


Demons

by glitterhowell



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Break Up, Derogatory Language, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Heavy Angst, Homophobic Language, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt Dan Howell, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad Dan Howell, Sexual Abuse, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Violence, current phan, graphic sexual abuse, kinda sad ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 08:13:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16114409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterhowell/pseuds/glitterhowell
Summary: One night Dan and Phil have a terrible fight which results in Dan storming out of the apartment. Dan finds himself in the neighborhood he used to get drugs from the only thing is Dan has been sober of any drugs and alcohol for over six years. Will Dan be able to resist his old comfort and fight the temptation? Will one night ruin his entire life?





	Demons

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I would like to thank anyone who has stumbled upon this story and decided to read it. This is a story I wrote months ago but only decided to it post now. This is by far one of my favorite things I have ever written. I was inspired to write this after I listened to Demi Lovato's song "Sober", and I may or may not have listened to it on repeat while writing this. This story is unedited. 
> 
> Just a few warnings this story is dark and heavy and tags should be looked over closely if you think you may become triggered. I am not a professional nor a survivor of sexual abuse/Drug abuse/alcohol abuse I wrote purely on the research I did. If you decide to read comments and kudos are always appreciated (but not required) they make me feel validated and loved. 
> 
> I tried to tag everything I could think of but if you spot something you think should be tagged then come tell me on Tumblr "Glitterrhowell"
> 
> Once again thank you to everyone who reads this and I hope you enjoy the story!

"Morning sleepy head."

Dan felt a soft pair of lips on his. Dan’s eyes fluttered open.

"What was that for?" he asked smiling.

Phil just softly smiled at him, "What I can't wake my amazing boyfriend up with a kiss?" He playfully pouting his lips.

"Of course you can you spoon," he said giggling.

Phil laid down on his side and Dan turned so he was facing him. 

Taking a moment to appreciate his boyfriend Dan noted how the sunlight peeking through the curtains shone across Phil's face. His hair pushed up in a messy quiff with a hint of stubble from yesterday. He was beautiful. 

"What?" Phil smirked at him. 

He buried his head in Phil’s chest feeling the heat on his cheeks. 

"Nothing I'm just really happy." he sighed.

Phil swept a curl out of his eyes grabbing his chin with his other hand he tilted his head so his blue eyes were staring into Dan’s dark chocolate ones. "I'm so happy to bear." he breathed before bending down and planting another soft kiss on Dan's lips. “You make me so happy.”

Dan brought his hand up and placed it on Phil's chest. They laid there a long time just enjoying each others company. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


A few days later Dan walked into the kitchen and was greeted by an excited looking Phil. It nearly scared him half to death as he wasn't expecting it."Phil! What are you doing?" 

"It's your six-year anniversary!"  It took him a few seconds to notice he was holding a cupcake with a number six candle placed on top and a bouquet of flowers in the other.

He gave him a confused look, "What are you talking about." 

The smile fell slightly from Phil's lips, “You six years sober today." 

His heart dropped they had been so busy lately he hadn’t even realized the date was coming up. Guilty spread through his body Phil had remembered such an important event in his life and he hadn’t. That was the exact reason he loved Phil. Even if he hadn’t remembered Phil still understood what an important date it was to him and wouldn’t let him forget.

 

Dan smiled walking over to Phil and took the cupcake and flowers from Phil. He plunked the six off the top of the cupcake and licked it. “Dan that’s gross!” pretending to be disgusted. 

“You wouldn’t be saying that if it was something else I was licking,” he said smugly.

He laughed as the heat rose to Phil’s face, even after all this time he could still make him blush. Dan laughed at him and was caught off guard when Phil hooked his fingers on his belt loop and yanked him closer. Dan’s breath hitched their bodies were now flushed against each together. Phil kissed him sinfully biting Dan’s bottom lip in the process. And that is how they spent the day having sex, cuddling and play video games. Really no different than any other day but deep down both of them knew that there was a deeper meaning to it. 

  
  


After Dan and moved in with Phil he had gone through a very rough patch in his life. Dan always loved a drink or two to unwind. There was nothing wrong with a young adult like himself having a drink to unwind and have fun. He was young he was supposed to be going out to the pubs and having fun. But one or two drinks had progressed to three or four and eventually he was able downing an entire bottle of whiskey himself. 

 

By this time Phil had started to notice how he went out more and came home drunker than normal and when he tried to confront him about it he shrugged it off as just having fun. But in reality, he was drinking because he hated UNI and it was causing his depression to flare up. Drinking made it easier to cope with the pressure his parents were putting on him to finish law school.

 

During that time their relationship became strained. Dan wanted to always go out and party and Phil preferred to stay in eating pizza and playing video games. 

 

He started coming home early in the mornings after a night of partying and it progressed to the point he got so wasted he would black out and not remember anything from the night before. His grades were deeply affected which eventually lead to him dropping out of law school. You would think without that extra stress he would stop drinking as much but it had the opposite effect. His parents disowned him and even refused to acknowledge his existence. So with more time on his hands, he was able to go out to the pubs sooner and start the party early.

 

The first time he tried heroin he knew he was screwed he was addicted instantly. He couldn’t even describe the feeling the drug gave him. But he did know when that needle hit his veins his problems melted away. He would almost describe it as swallowing the sun. He could feel the drug running through his veins making him feel warm and just purely blessed out. 

 

By this point, he and Phil were not even on speaking terms. He would stumble home fall into bed pass out and get up and do it all again the next day. Not only did his relationship fall apart but so did his Youtube channel. He was usually too high drunk or both to ever make videos. When he stopped updating his social media he might as well have fallen off the face of the earth. The only who truly knew what was going on was Phil. He doesn't know when Phil figured it out or for how long he had known but their lives came to a screeching halt when Dan had overdosed. At the time he didn’t realize how close he was to losing everything.

 

He had woken up in the hospital to a crying and broken Phil who told him if he didn't get help than he was going to leave. He said he couldn't watch Dan destroy himself and longer. He spent several weeks in the hospital detoxing and working a recovery program. He started talking to a therapist again began working through his problems. After months of hard work, sleepless nights and far too many crying spells he was finally considered sober and recovering. Since the day of the ‘incident’ as he had taken to calling it he hadn't touched a drop of alcohol or used any type of drugs. There was just too much at stake for him to mess up his life again.

 

A year after the ‘incident’ and a year being sober is when he made his Youtube video in over a year. With lots of support from Phil and his therapist, he decided his first video back would be on his journey and recovery. He hadn’t expected the video to blow up like it did. It had reached a million views in just one day. He had gained several thousand new followers who were inspired by his journey but the reaction from his audience had been mixed. Some people where happy he was back and sharing his recovery with them. But there was a small portion of people who were angry. They were angry he had been gone for so long without a word and disgusted and disappointed in him for turning to alcohol and drugs. At first, it had really bothered him that so many people didn’t support him and chose to unsubscribe. But after talking it over with his therapist he realized that is was probably for the better as negativity like that could cause a relapse. 

 

And every year since the ‘incident’ the celebrated his sobriety and just plain being alive in some way or another. Of course, Dan always insisted that it wasn't needed and it wasn’t a big deal but deep down it meant the world to him. It had been the hardest thing he had ever down and he was proud of himself. And he loved that Phil was proud of him too.

 

~~~~~~~~

 

"I thought you did it!" Phil yelled at him. 

"Well, I thought you did it! How was I supposed to know you didn't? You never talk to me anymore!" Dan threw back at him glaring.

"Fuck off Dan that has nothing to do with this! You were supposed to take care of booking the tickets! Now, what are we supposed to do? We're not going to make it to Vidcon in time!"

 

"I don't know Phil! Maybe we can get some last minute tickets." He said trying to reason with him.

 

Phil threw his hands up in the air, "Dan there are no more tickets and now we have no way to get there. Do you know how many people bought tickets to just see us? Now we are going to have to tell them we aren't going to be there! They're going to be so disappointed!" 

 

Dan shut his eyes and sighed. It seemed like all they did these days was fight constantly at each other's throats. They could literally fight over the stupidest things these days. Last week they had argued over whose turn it had been to order groceries. These days they hardly spent any time together and what time they did was spent either fighting or filming gaming videos. They didn't even sleep in the same bedroom half the time anymore, a few months ago Phil had taken to sleeping in the bed in his filming bedroom. Leaving Dan all alone and feeling like everything was his fault.

 

"Look I'm sorry,"  he said attempting to keep the anger out of his voice. 

"Sorry isn't going to fix it, Dan!" He bit back at him. "God, you can be such a fuck up and selfish sometimes." Phil turned around and stormed off leaving Dan in a puddle of his own tears.

 

Phil was right he was a fuck up and selfish. It's not like he had been to busy to buy the tickets he had just spent the last week playing Guild wars and forgotten. 

 

Wiping away his tears he stalked off towards the front door. It was late and he had no idea where he was going but he knew he needed to get out of there so he just kept walking. He didn't know how long he had been walking but by the time he stopped and looked around, he didn't recognize anything around him. 

 

He shivered it was a cold night and he wishes he would have grabbed a jacket before he left. He wrapped his arms around himself and continued to walk hoping to come across a shop or street he recognized. He walked for another ten minutes when he started to recognize some of the places around him. This was one of the sketchier parts of London and it was also the place he used to frequent the pubs. On top of that, it was also very easy to score just about anything in this neighborhood.

 

Rubbing his hands together he stepped into the nearest shop in an attempt to warm up. 

"Can I help you with anything?" 

Dan turned his head and was met with a bored looking cashier. 

"uhh no thanks, I'm just trying to warm up a little."

"If you're not going to buy anything then get out!" the man barked.

Not wanting to face the cold again yet he held up his hand, “Ok, Ok, I’ll get something."

 

Dan glanced at the shelf closest to him and reach for the closest thing to him which was a bottle of water when his hand stopped in mid-air. Lining the shelf next to the water was several different types of liquor bottles. He glanced around the shop, of course, the shop he picks to stop at just has to be a liquor shop of all places. 

 

His heart rate quickened and his hands started to shake it seemed like time had stopped. Of course over the years he had cravings but never cravings as strong as they were right now. 

“Hey kid you going to buy something or not?” an annoyed looking cashier yelled.

He took a deep breath and reach for the bottle of water again but he changed his mind halfway there and blindly grabbed one of the bottles of liquor off the shelf. 

 

His mind was no longer on staying out of the cold so he paid for his purchase and quickly left the shop. Once out in the cold again he took his purchase out of the bag to have a look at it. He snorted it was just his luck that he had happened to grab a bottle of his favorite whiskey.

 

He stood outside the shop staring at the bottle forever before he decided that he should just throw it away. He hovered the bottle over the rubbish bin by the side of the road not quite having the courage to actually throw the bottle away.

Fuck it he thought one drink wouldn't hurt, right? 

 

And that's how he found himself stumbling the streets of London carrying an empty whiskey bottle in his hands. He had really fucked up and if he wasn't so loaded at the moment he might actually care. But that’s the thing about alcohol at least for him it lowered his inhibitions just enough he did stupid things and stop all sense of his caring. 

 

He wasn’t paying attention and he stumbled into a big scary looking man,

“Sode off areshole!” The man pushed him. Because he was already unsteady from the booze he falls on the ground flat on his ass. He was a bit disoriented and it took him a minute to process what had happened. But by that time the man was walking off muttering something about, “Fucking fag needs to watch where he’s going.” 

 

He seriously considered just saying on the ground that is where trash belongs anyway, wasn’t it? But being on the ground caused him to shiver even more than he had before. He used the wall behind him to steady himself so he could stand up. He brushed off his pants and scanned the area hoping there might be somewhere warmer to sit. His eyes landed on the abandoned park across the street it wasn’t ideal but it was something.

 

He crossed the street to the park almost getting hit by a cab in the process. He walked over to the bench and he fell into it with an "oof." 

 

He hadn’t been sitting there long before he felt the bench bend next to him signaling someone had sat down.

“Hey, buddy you looking to score?”

Dan froze and his blood ran cold he would recognize that voice anywhere.

 

This guy had been his drug dealer and party buddy a few years back. He and Eric hit it off the moment they met each other. They had met at some party a few years ago, Dan was looking to score as his last drug dealer had been busted by the police. He was in really bad shape with Eric found him. Curled up on the dirty floor of some club’s bathroom crying, shaking and throwing up. Eric didn’t even know him yet he got down on the nasty floor with him and pulled Dan’s into his lap cradling him. He had given him the last of his drugs free of charge just so he didn’t have to suffer the withdrawals anymore. When he had asked him a few months later Eric had said he could recognize a lost and broken soul when he saw one and he couldn't bear the thought of someone like him being so lost and broken. 

 

They partied together and Eric kept a steady supply of drugs in his system that was his life until one night. It wasn't that they had any of the same interests in video games or anime it was their interest in partying that had drawn them together. He remembers quite a few nights crashing on Eric’s couch because he was to fucked up to make it home. He didn’t care Dan was a YouTuber, in fact, he’s not even sure Eric had known he was a famous Youtuber it’s not like it ever came up in conversation. 

 

But apparently being friend’s had not been enough for him. 

One night they had decided to stay in as Eric said he some really good stuff that he didn’t want to share with anyone else. And hell who was Dan to care as long as he got his fix. So they sat in Eric’s living room throwing back shot after shot and taking a whole different assortment of drugs. He was an addict he didn't care what he took as long as it gives him that warm and happy feeling. 

 

They had been sprawled out on Eric’s sofa playfully banting back in forth when things took a turn for the worst. He’s not even sure what had started it but Eric had gotten angry with him claiming he was tired of providing him drugs for practically free. Dan had been confused because he always paid him money for whatever he gave him. 

 

Eventually, the fight escalated and Eric began throwing insults at him.

 

“You’re just a worthless fucking bitch you know that Dan? No wonder that boyfriend of yours doesn't even touch you anymore.” he sneered at him.

 

“Hey don’t you bring fucking bring Phil into this he has nothing to do with it!” he fired back.

  
  


“Phil does have something to fucking do with this! Does he know his boyfriend carry yourself around like a fucking whore? I mean look at you!” 

 

So what he wearing a crop top and black short cut mini shorts. It was the middle of July and it had been hot out earlier.

 

“What I wear has never bothered you before!” 

 

“Oh, it’s always bothered me you tramps around like a slut flirting with me so I give you what you want!”

 

“I've been upfront with you from the beginning! I told you I had a boyfriend and wasn't looking to sleep around! If you didn’t understand that then it’s your fucking problem, not mine!” 

 

Eric got closer to him, “Yeah it is your fucking problem!” 

He grabbed ahold of Dan’s chin and pulled him into a rough kiss. Dan tried to push him off but his efforts were futile. He may be taller than him but Eric outweighed him by quite a few pounds. Nothing knowing what else to do he bit down forcefully on his lip. Eric yelp, “What the fuck you do that for?”

 

“I told you I have a boyfriend and I don’t want to have sex with you!” 

 

Eric’s eyes filled with hate and angry “Well you have no fucking choice!”

 

He grabbed his arm again only this time he didn’t pull him in for a kiss instead he started dragging him across the room to what had could only assume was his bedroom. He fought back with all his strength he manages to kick him in the leg. Eric let go and Dan turned around to run but he wasn't fast enough he was pushed down onto the lounge floor. 

 

“Stop it! Get off of me!” he screamed. Eric didn’t take any notice as he slapped him in the face and started pulling his trousers down. He squirmed underneath him but Eric had such a good that he couldn’t shake him off. He ripped his underwear off next and watch as Dan’s cock sprung free. 

 

“Hmm look at that so pretty for me.” he cooed.

 

“Fuck off!” he screamed still trying to get lose. 

 

Eric just chuckled as he pulled his own pants down letting his dick free. Without warning, he shoved himself inside of him. The pain was instant and almost indescribable it was nothing like he had ever felt before. 

 

At this point, Dan stopped struggling and accept his fate. 

 

It didn’t take long for Eric’s jaw to slack and his eyes closed as he groaned and came inside of him. He hissed as pulled out from oversensitivity and collapsed on the floor next to him breathing heavily. Dan just laid there still numb to what had just happened.

 

“Umm, so that was pretty good huh?” Eric asked with no hint of shame whatsoever in his voice. 

 

This snapped him out of it and started sobbing, “You fucking raped me! You're a monster!” he screamed. Eric looked genuinely confused, “Oh come on Dan it was just a little rough sex. Everything is fine now all the built-up sexual tension is gone for both of us.” 

 

He choked on a sob as he shakily got to his feet. He stumbled around looking for his trousers that had been thrown in the process of everything. Eric got up to help him, “Come on baby don’t be like that.”

 

Still sobbing Dan did his best to glare at him as he pulled up his pants. “I’m fucking leaving and don’t expect to ever see me again!” he spat out. 

 

Before Eric could respond he stumbled out his front door. 

 

That is the night Dan went home and overdosed. 

 

Eventually, he had told his therapist about this after getting clean and with her help he had told Phil. Phil, of course, had been heartbroken and pissed about what this guy had done to him. But after months of regular therapy and some couples therapy, the managed to work it out and get back to being semi-normal

 

“Hey, buddy you alright?” The voice pulled him from the painful memory.

 

Keeping his head turned and trying to disguise his voice, “Yeah I’m fine I just need to get going.” He jumped up but before he could get far a hand wrapped around his arm pulling him back. 

 

“What’s the rush you wanna party baby?” 

Anger coursed through him he gathered all the courage his drunk body and mind had and turned towards him. 

 

“No, I don’t want to fucking party!” He spat back his words slurred slightly.

 

It took a moment before a smile broke out on his face. “Dan? Dan omg is that you? I haven’t seen you in years! After that night at my flat, you just disappeared and never came back! I wondered what had happened to you.”  

 

Dan continued to glare at him, “I told you that night that you would never see me again!” he hissed. 

 

Confusion broke out on Eric’s face, “Oh come on baby your still really not mad about what happened are you?” he said creasing Dan’s arm.

 

He yanked his arm away, “Don’t fucking touch me you monster!”

 

A grin broke out on his face as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small baggie. Inside there was some white powder. “Are you sure baby because I have your favorite.” 

 

He froze as he looked at the baggie in his hands. His body started shaking with want. 

 

Eric chuckled, “See baby I know you want it. How about we go back to mine and we can have some fun?” 

 

Of course, Dan’s wasn’t even considering this but what he was considering was grabbing the bag and running which is exactly what he did. Luckily he caught Eric off guard giving him a head start.

 

“Get back here you fucking bitch!” he heard Eric scream behind him. 

 

He looked behind him and started running even faster when he saw Eric was gaining on him. He had sobered up considerably but he was still swerving side to side a little as he ran. Up ahead there was a crowd of people filtering out of what like a theater. Using his last bit of energy he pushed forward into the crowd. He stopped running when he reached the crowd electing to slip past people and try to blend in instead. 

 

He ducked into the movie theater. He tried his luck and asked someone where the bathroom was and unlike at the store earlier they gladly pointed him in the right direction. He entered one of the stalls and sat down on the toilet. 

 

Fuck! Why was he so stupid? Why did he take the drugs? 

He knows the answer he was fucking worthless that’s why. Undeserving of everything he has, defiantly undeserving of Phil. These drugs were the only thing he had they were his only friend.

 

He looked down at the baggie in his hand tears starting to leak from his eyes. Fuck it he thought to himself. He opened the bag a shook half the powder into his hand and brought it up to his nose taking his other to pinch the other hole he snorted the milky white substance. Now all he had to go was wait for the drugs to take effect.

 

About ten minutes later the drugs still hadn’t kicked in but he really didn’t want to ride his high out in a movie theater bathroom anyway. He was pretty certain that if Eric and known he went into the theater that he would have followed him instead of waiting outside for him. 

 

This time when he entered the lobby of the theater it was deserted there must be a movie showing at the moment. As he walked by a tired looking teenager gave him a little wave. He waved back and quickly exited the theater. 

 

He could see his breath again the moment he stepped back outside. He shoved his hands deep down in his pants pockets quickly looking around to make sure he hadn’t been wrong about Eric. When he was certain the coast was clear he started walking in the opposite direction of the park. 

 

At this time of night, the streets were pretty much empty. It only took another ten minutes for the drugs to start kicking in. The warmth spreading throughout his body as the euphoria hit him like a ton of bricks. As his heart rate increase and his body heated up being without a jacket became less and less of a problem. He chuckled and let out a sigh of relief he couldn’t believe his luck. He continued walking leave Eric behind him or so he thought. Maybe it was the drugs causing him to not pay attention but he should have been. 

 

As he walked by a dark alleyway he felt himself being pulled inside. He tried to scream but a hand was placed over his mouth before he could. 

 

“Thought you could get away with stealing from me huh princess.” Eric sneered on his ear. 

Dan felt all the warmth leave his body instantly. 

 

“This is what you deserve you fucking whore.” 

 

He felt metal being inserted into his abdomen. The pain wasn’t bad at first but after the fifth stab is when he began to feel the effect of all the blood he was losing.

 

Eric filthy licked his mouth before letting him drop. He slumped to the ground his own legs being unable to keep him standing. Eric kicked him in the leg before he stalked off chuckling.

 

He fumbled in his pocket for his phone to only realize he must have left at home. He groaned partly from the pain and partly because he was a fucking idiot. His vision was already beginning to fade. He knew he didn’t have the energy to crawl out of the alley so he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, accepting his fate. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

He was floating surrounded by pitch black quit darkness. But instead of feeling saddened or unsettled by the darkness he felt nothing but peacefulness. For the first time ever he had no worries and no emotional turmoil. He was content being here. He didn’t know were exactly where here was but it felt like a place he could spend forever it. 

 

There was a loud rumble and the blackness vibrated around him. This wasn’t right you were supposed to be at peace when you die. Was this some sort of cruel trick? Where they making him think that he could have eternal peace and happiness but then cruelly rip it away from him. 

 

The darkness once again pulsated around him. Up far above him he could make out a small light. Curious he started “swimming” towards the light. The closer he got the loud rumbles started to form into words. I couldn’t make out what the words where but he could tell Phil was the one speaking them. 

 

Phil. His poor Phil maybe sad but he was better off without him.

 

Phil’s voice drew him almost like a siren's song word a sailor. No matter how much he tried he couldn’t resist it. 

 

He came upon the light.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

He slowly opened his eyes blinking and rubbing away the crusts that rest in the corners. The memories from the previous night came rushing back to him. He let out a groan how could he have been so stupid. 

 

“Dan?” 

It was Phil. Tears sprung from his eyes and he attempted to hide his face in his hands.

“No Dan look at me. I need to see your really ok. Please.” the last word was more of a plea than anything.

 

The moment their eyes meet Dan wished more than anything he could sink back into the sweet darkness. Phil’s eyes were filled with tears and pain. Pain Dan knew he had caused. 

 

“Phil I’m so sorry,” he whispered his eyes once again averted away from Phil’s in shame.

 

“I know you are. “ he sighed.

 

It hurt Dan could hear the disappointment in his voice. His eyes started to water, “I honestly didn’t mean to Phil. I was just so upset after our fight and it seems like all we have been doing lately his fighting so after I left I just walked. I didn’t grab a coat before I left so I was trying to get out of the cold but the shop owner said I had to buy something and the whiskey was just there I couldn’t resist I’m sorry. It was too late by then and I realized I was in the old neighborhood I used to buy drugs in Eric was there before I know it. He offered the drugs and I just took them. Fuck I don’t know why. I messed up big time I know Phil. Please just forgive me.” he was breathing heavily after his outburst. He didn’t mean to say it all at once like that but it just seemed to spill out. 

 

His head snapped up, “ Wait you saw Eric? Did he try and do anything to you? If he laid a fucking finger on you I swear I will fucking kill him!” Dan flinched at his tone Phil was fuming. 

 

“He tried but I got away before was able to do anything. Please believe me, Phil, I would tell you if he had done anything.” he looked at him with pleading eyes.

 

“Jesus fucking christ Dan! How the hell did we let it get this bad!” Phil paced the length of the room back and forth. 

 

Dan was silent afraid anything he said would set Phil off again. He didn’t even realize he was crying until a sob ripped through his throat. 

 

The angry drained from his face and was replaced with concern.  “Dan hey it’s alright I’m sorry for getting so mad.” Phil looked like he wanted to comfort him but Dan could tell he was refraining himself. 

 

Dan shook his head and that was all it took for Phil to get into bed with him and wrap his arms around him. Phil pulled him so he was seated on his lap. Dan buried his head in the crook of his neck breathing in his scent.

 

For a while the only sound in the room was his sobs and the occasional “shhh” and “It’s alright.”  Phil let him cry and rubbed circles on his back. 

 

After some time his sobs turned into hiccups and eventually stopped altogether. Reluctantly he pulled away. They peered into each other's eyes and without even thinking Dan leaned in and brushed his their lips together. Phil body when rigged the moment their lips touched. Thinking he just caught him off guard he kept kissing but it soon became apparent that he wasn't kissing back. 

 

He quickly crawled off Phil’s lap attempting to get away from him. 

 

“Dan wait.” 

 

Dan turned around and was met with heartbroken eyes. 

 

“I just can’t do this again. I’m glad you're ok now and I will help you through recovery again anyway I can but I just can’t,” he whispered. 

 

Dan’s whole world stopped Phil was leaving him. 

 

“Phil....I-”

“Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.” He stood and stood in front of the window.

 

Neither of them said anything for a while. Dan was worried if he said anything that it would make this real. 

 

Finally, Phil spoke “You can have the apartment when you get out of rehab. I should have all my stuff moved out by then.” 

 

It didn’t seem real this couldn’t be happening. “Phil you can’t just throw everything we have worked for away!” You can’t throw us away!” tears were rolling down his face again. 

 

Phil flinched at his words, “I didn’t throw us away Dan you did.” 

He said it so soft Dan almost didn’t hear him. 

 

“But I love you.” It was his last ditch effort to get Phil to change his mind.

Phil sighed, “I love you too but I don’t think it’s fair for either of us to go through this anymore. I’m so sorry.” Tears were now falling down his face.

 

He attempted to get out of the bed but his body was so exhausted it just wouldn’t move. 

 

“Phil please don’t do this!” sobs ripping through his body.

 

“I’m sorry.” were the last words he uttered before he was out the door. 

 

Dan screamed, “Phil! Please come back!” 

All of the screaming and commotion must have alerted hospital staff there was something wrong because they came running into the room. He was screaming and crying trying to get out of the bed. A nurse tried to calm him down but nothing she said could repair the hole that was in his heart. He wanted to die if he didn’t have Phil life wasn’t worth living anymore. Those were the last thoughts he had before he felt a cool needle being inserted in his arm. The drug was fast acting as the darkness pulled him under once again he could only hope this time it was permanent. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
